1 00:00:48,726 --> 00:00:50,227 I see you, 2 00:00:50,269 --> 00:00:53,481 and I raise nine. 3 00:00:54,815 --> 00:00:56,025 Raise? No, I'm out. 4 00:00:56,066 --> 00:00:57,359 All right. 5 00:00:58,611 --> 00:01:00,446 Your nine. 6 00:01:00,488 --> 00:01:01,655 Up ten. 7 00:01:01,655 --> 00:01:04,283 Up... ten. 8 00:01:04,325 --> 00:01:06,452 Hmm. 9 00:01:06,494 --> 00:01:07,536 I have no money. 10 00:01:07,578 --> 00:01:10,456 You know the rules, Schultz: no credit. 11 00:01:10,498 --> 00:01:11,957 If you don't have the money, you're out. 12 00:01:11,999 --> 00:01:13,042 Wait a minute! 13 00:01:13,083 --> 00:01:14,710 What do you mean, I'm out? 14 00:01:14,752 --> 00:01:17,004 I'm not out yet. 15 00:01:17,046 --> 00:01:19,298 Solid gold. 16 00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:20,883 Oh, really? 17 00:01:20,925 --> 00:01:22,009 Gold, huh? 18 00:01:22,051 --> 00:01:23,844 Let's see what it says. 19 00:01:23,844 --> 00:01:25,221 "18-karat gold." 20 00:01:25,304 --> 00:01:27,681 Well, that's gold, all right. 21 00:01:27,681 --> 00:01:29,099 How about the diamond? 22 00:01:29,141 --> 00:01:31,435 "Caution: In case of fire, 23 00:01:31,477 --> 00:01:34,230 break glass." 24 00:01:34,271 --> 00:01:35,397 What do you mean? 25 00:01:35,439 --> 00:01:36,690 Where does it say... 26 00:01:36,732 --> 00:01:38,609 Mm. 27 00:01:42,279 --> 00:01:43,364 Colonel Hogan... 28 00:01:43,405 --> 00:01:45,532 could I speak to you a minute? 29 00:01:45,532 --> 00:01:47,243 Yeah, sure, Kinch. 30 00:01:47,284 --> 00:01:49,411 Hey. Hey. 31 00:01:49,453 --> 00:01:51,372 No peeking. 32 00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:52,665 Be right back. 33 00:01:52,706 --> 00:01:53,958 LeBEAU: We won't let him. Don't worry. 34 00:01:53,999 --> 00:01:54,959 I think he's played with you before. 35 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,168 I just got word 36 00:01:56,210 --> 00:01:58,212 from our contact in Heidelberg. 37 00:01:58,212 --> 00:01:59,755 I could barely make it out. 38 00:01:59,797 --> 00:02:01,757 She needs new parts for her transmitter, 39 00:02:01,799 --> 00:02:03,050 or she's out of business. 40 00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:04,176 Can we get them? 41 00:02:04,218 --> 00:02:05,844 Well, we got the parts, all right, 42 00:02:05,886 --> 00:02:09,765 but how do we get them delivered to Heidelberg? 43 00:02:14,395 --> 00:02:16,105 You know what I did with the money? 44 00:02:16,146 --> 00:02:17,815 It's in a sock. You guys have it. 45 00:02:17,856 --> 00:02:20,067 Oh, sure. That's what I did with the money. 46 00:02:20,109 --> 00:02:22,236 Say, how far is Heidelberg? 47 00:02:22,236 --> 00:02:23,404 Heidelberg? 48 00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,739 106 and five-seventh kilometer. 49 00:02:25,739 --> 00:02:27,491 Lovely town. 50 00:02:27,533 --> 00:02:29,785 I'm glad to go back there. 51 00:02:29,827 --> 00:02:31,870 Back there? It's my hometown. 52 00:02:31,912 --> 00:02:34,748 I'm going down there over the weekend. 53 00:02:34,748 --> 00:02:36,250 I have a three-day pass. 54 00:02:40,087 --> 00:02:41,380 You win. 55 00:02:41,672 --> 00:02:43,757 I win?! 56 00:02:43,799 --> 00:02:46,176 We both win. 57 00:02:57,771 --> 00:02:59,606 Don't worry. It's all there. 58 00:02:59,648 --> 00:03:01,358 Nineteen... 59 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,401 Oh, by the way, Schultz, 60 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:03,652 when are you going home? 61 00:03:03,694 --> 00:03:05,446 Friday. My wife is going to pick me up, 62 00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:06,905 and we go together. 63 00:03:06,947 --> 00:03:08,490 Aw, that's nice. 64 00:03:08,532 --> 00:03:10,451 Um... by the way, Schultz, 65 00:03:10,492 --> 00:03:12,953 I don't know quite how to say this to you... 66 00:03:12,953 --> 00:03:15,289 Can you just step in the office quickly? 67 00:03:15,289 --> 00:03:16,957 I, uh... 68 00:03:16,999 --> 00:03:18,083 I want you to do me a favor. 69 00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:19,460 It's kind of a delicate matter. 70 00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,294 Yes? 71 00:03:24,131 --> 00:03:25,340 Schultz, I'd like you 72 00:03:25,382 --> 00:03:27,885 to deliver something for me in Heidelberg. 73 00:03:27,926 --> 00:03:31,305 55 Badenstrasse. It's a little gift. 74 00:03:31,305 --> 00:03:33,766 Deliver a package for a prisoner? 75 00:03:34,975 --> 00:03:36,018 That's impossible! 76 00:03:36,059 --> 00:03:37,144 I can't do that. 77 00:03:37,186 --> 00:03:38,520 It would be worth my life. 78 00:03:38,562 --> 00:03:40,314 All right, Schultz, I understand. 79 00:03:40,314 --> 00:03:42,065 Poor Liesl. 80 00:03:42,107 --> 00:03:43,776 She'll have to worry, suffer, 81 00:03:43,817 --> 00:03:46,653 live in anguish. 82 00:03:46,695 --> 00:03:50,324 Fortunes of war. 83 00:03:50,324 --> 00:03:53,118 Liesl, I'm sorry. 84 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:54,745 Who is Liesl? 85 00:03:54,787 --> 00:03:55,829 Oh, please, Schultz, 86 00:03:55,871 --> 00:03:57,831 it's to painful to even think about. 87 00:03:57,873 --> 00:04:02,169 You have a fraulein in Heidelberg, huh? 88 00:04:02,211 --> 00:04:03,670 Not a fraulein... 89 00:04:03,670 --> 00:04:04,922 an angel. 90 00:04:04,963 --> 00:04:06,965 But who is Liesl? 91 00:04:07,007 --> 00:04:08,383 You promise not to laugh? 92 00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:10,385 I promise. 93 00:04:11,637 --> 00:04:12,846 Well... 94 00:04:12,888 --> 00:04:15,474 It all happened that wonderful night 95 00:04:15,516 --> 00:04:18,519 I was shot down... over Heidelberg. 96 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:19,811 You were shot down? 97 00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:21,396 That was wonderful? 98 00:04:21,438 --> 00:04:23,649 Beyond belief. 99 00:04:25,609 --> 00:04:28,278 My parachute was lowering me over a farm 100 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,531 on a road just outside of Heidelberg. 101 00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:32,908 As I slipped out of my harness, 102 00:04:32,950 --> 00:04:35,202 a girl stepped out of the shadows. 103 00:04:35,202 --> 00:04:37,329 "A girl." 104 00:04:38,705 --> 00:04:40,666 More like a goddess. 105 00:04:40,707 --> 00:04:43,669 She took my hand in her hand. 106 00:04:43,710 --> 00:04:46,547 A thousand violins started to play. 107 00:04:46,547 --> 00:04:49,007 A thousand violins? 108 00:04:50,926 --> 00:04:53,887 Right here, Schultz, right here. 109 00:04:53,929 --> 00:04:55,847 Oh, I knew it was wrong, 110 00:04:55,889 --> 00:04:58,058 but I couldn't help myself. 111 00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:00,894 I was just captured by her beauty. 112 00:05:00,894 --> 00:05:03,021 We walked in the moonlight then, 113 00:05:03,063 --> 00:05:05,649 and under an edelweiss tree, we stopped. 114 00:05:05,691 --> 00:05:10,028 As her face turned towards mine, our eyes met. 115 00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:11,822 And then our lips. 116 00:05:11,863 --> 00:05:14,116 We shared a magic moment. 117 00:05:14,157 --> 00:05:17,202 She swore her undying love... 118 00:05:17,244 --> 00:05:20,080 just before she called the Gestapo. 119 00:05:21,665 --> 00:05:24,668 Beautiful. 120 00:05:24,710 --> 00:05:26,211 And to let her know that 121 00:05:26,253 --> 00:05:28,630 she's in my every breathing moment... 122 00:05:28,672 --> 00:05:30,507 I wanted to... 123 00:05:30,549 --> 00:05:32,801 send a gift of... 124 00:05:32,843 --> 00:05:35,262 A plant. A plant... a flower. 125 00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:39,474 A token of my love. 126 00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:43,603 That's what I wanted you to do, Schultz, but... 127 00:05:43,645 --> 00:05:45,105 Colonel Hogan... 128 00:05:46,606 --> 00:05:47,858 I'll do it. 129 00:05:47,899 --> 00:05:49,735 Thank you, Schultz. 130 00:05:49,776 --> 00:05:53,155 I don't know how I can ever repay you. 131 00:05:54,906 --> 00:05:57,075 You will keep this between us, won't you? 132 00:05:57,117 --> 00:06:00,287 My lips are sealed. 133 00:06:00,328 --> 00:06:02,039 Thank you, Schultz. 134 00:06:09,254 --> 00:06:12,507 Colonel Hogan has a fraulein. 135 00:06:14,885 --> 00:06:16,428 Just between us, Schultz. 136 00:06:19,806 --> 00:06:22,434 You devil, you! 137 00:06:24,603 --> 00:06:26,146 All set, Colonel. Good. 138 00:06:26,146 --> 00:06:27,481 Pot's all neatly packed. 139 00:06:27,481 --> 00:06:28,648 Any sign of Schultz? 140 00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:30,442 Not yet. 141 00:06:30,484 --> 00:06:31,777 A card? 142 00:06:31,818 --> 00:06:33,070 Read it. Read it. 143 00:06:33,111 --> 00:06:33,945 Colonel Hogan? 144 00:06:35,572 --> 00:06:37,282 Read it. 145 00:06:37,324 --> 00:06:40,535 Just a minute. 146 00:06:40,577 --> 00:06:42,329 "To my own little poopchen, 147 00:06:42,329 --> 00:06:45,332 in remembrance of that starry night." 148 00:06:45,373 --> 00:06:46,500 "Tiger"? 149 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:47,959 It's the poet in me. 150 00:06:48,001 --> 00:06:49,211 Me, Tiger? 151 00:06:49,252 --> 00:06:51,046 I can't help it, Colonel. 152 00:06:51,087 --> 00:06:52,339 I've got you on pedestal. 153 00:06:56,259 --> 00:06:58,011 Watch for Schultz, huh? 154 00:06:58,053 --> 00:06:59,221 Right. 155 00:07:01,389 --> 00:07:03,600 Schnitzer, as long as you're changing the dogs, 156 00:07:03,642 --> 00:07:05,227 will you get rid of the black one? 157 00:07:05,268 --> 00:07:06,895 He's beginning to obey the guards. 158 00:07:06,937 --> 00:07:07,938 Oh, I'm sorry, Colonel. 159 00:07:07,979 --> 00:07:09,189 I'll take care of that. Good. 160 00:07:09,189 --> 00:07:10,649 I'll see that you get a little extra 161 00:07:10,690 --> 00:07:12,692 in your paycheck this week. Thank you, Colonel. 162 00:07:12,692 --> 00:07:14,194 I see you got your father working with you, huh? 163 00:07:14,194 --> 00:07:16,196 Yeah. He's 80 years old 164 00:07:16,238 --> 00:07:18,114 and I don't want him to work, 165 00:07:18,156 --> 00:07:19,574 but he's just amazing. 166 00:07:19,616 --> 00:07:22,035 His back pains. His chest hurts. 167 00:07:22,035 --> 00:07:23,537 He's a mess! 168 00:07:23,537 --> 00:07:25,330 He wants to help. 169 00:07:29,417 --> 00:07:30,502 There's Schultz. 170 00:07:30,544 --> 00:07:32,003 Let's go. 171 00:07:32,045 --> 00:07:33,338 Hi, Schultz. 172 00:07:33,380 --> 00:07:34,506 Oh, hey. 173 00:07:34,548 --> 00:07:36,216 Yeah, you all loaded up. Presents? 174 00:07:36,258 --> 00:07:39,177 No. Laundry. Oh, and that's for Liesl? 175 00:07:39,219 --> 00:07:40,971 Yeah, yeah, and here's the address. Yeah. 176 00:07:41,012 --> 00:07:42,556 And, uh, let's show a little discretion, huh? 177 00:07:42,556 --> 00:07:43,723 Keep this just between us? 178 00:07:43,723 --> 00:07:45,475 Colonel Hogan, you can trust me. 179 00:07:45,517 --> 00:07:48,019 I'm a man of the world. 180 00:07:48,103 --> 00:07:50,021 You're a rascal. 181 00:07:50,063 --> 00:07:53,525 You French are not the only ones who know about those things. 182 00:07:55,527 --> 00:07:57,237 Oh, my wife! 183 00:07:57,279 --> 00:07:58,697 Hello, 184 00:07:58,738 --> 00:08:00,448 Gretchen! 185 00:08:00,490 --> 00:08:02,576 My darling, how are you?! 186 00:08:04,786 --> 00:08:05,787 How are the children? 187 00:08:05,829 --> 00:08:06,913 Oh, they are fine. 188 00:08:06,955 --> 00:08:08,206 They cannot wait to see you. 189 00:08:08,248 --> 00:08:09,874 Oh. And how is Mama? 190 00:08:09,916 --> 00:08:10,875 How is Papa? 191 00:08:10,917 --> 00:08:12,836 How is Aunt Fritzie, and Uncle Otto? 192 00:08:12,877 --> 00:08:14,045 All well. 193 00:08:14,087 --> 00:08:15,338 Have you got everything? 194 00:08:15,380 --> 00:08:17,507 Yeah, I have the clothes for the laundry, 195 00:08:17,549 --> 00:08:18,842 and carry this, will you? 196 00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:20,427 Oh, Hans, what a beautiful plant. 197 00:08:20,468 --> 00:08:21,928 How thoughtful. 198 00:08:21,928 --> 00:08:23,221 It's not for you. 199 00:08:23,263 --> 00:08:24,597 Then who? 200 00:08:24,639 --> 00:08:28,059 I'll explain later, my little dumpling. 201 00:08:28,101 --> 00:08:30,562 "To my own little poopchen, 202 00:08:30,603 --> 00:08:34,649 in remembrance of that starry night, Tiger." 203 00:08:34,691 --> 00:08:38,445 I told you, I will explain later, Gretchen. 204 00:08:38,486 --> 00:08:41,740 There's nothing to be upset about. 205 00:08:41,781 --> 00:08:44,200 For your girlfriends, you have flowers. 206 00:08:44,242 --> 00:08:46,619 For me, your old socks and underwear. 207 00:08:46,661 --> 00:08:48,872 Listen, Gretchen! 208 00:08:48,913 --> 00:08:50,248 She gets the flowers? 209 00:08:50,290 --> 00:08:53,293 Let her do your laundry. 210 00:08:53,335 --> 00:08:55,545 Looks like trouble. Let's go. 211 00:08:55,587 --> 00:08:57,630 Don't do this again. 212 00:08:57,672 --> 00:08:59,466 Hi, Schultz, this your lovely wife? 213 00:08:59,507 --> 00:09:00,633 Not necessarily. 214 00:09:00,675 --> 00:09:03,053 From him, I get compliments. 215 00:09:03,094 --> 00:09:04,554 From you, insults. 216 00:09:04,596 --> 00:09:07,140 You want me to carry it, 217 00:09:07,182 --> 00:09:08,641 I show you... No, no, no! 218 00:09:08,641 --> 00:09:09,809 Now, now, come on. 219 00:09:09,851 --> 00:09:11,811 You kids don't know what you're doing. 220 00:09:16,149 --> 00:09:17,942 You wanted to break the pot? 221 00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:19,152 Yes! 222 00:09:19,194 --> 00:09:20,236 And I wish I had. 223 00:09:20,278 --> 00:09:21,529 Look, don't argue. 224 00:09:21,571 --> 00:09:22,781 Be nice. 225 00:09:22,822 --> 00:09:24,657 I want you to try it. 226 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,077 Oh, no, no, now look, now look. 227 00:09:27,118 --> 00:09:28,661 It's probably just a misunderstanding. 228 00:09:28,745 --> 00:09:30,997 Please, Colonel Hogan, stay out of this. 229 00:09:31,039 --> 00:09:34,834 This is just a friendly family quarrel. 230 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:37,003 It's probably just a simple misunderstanding 231 00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:38,755 that can be cleared up with one word. 232 00:09:38,797 --> 00:09:40,298 Mm-hmm. Divorce. 233 00:09:42,008 --> 00:09:44,636 You overweight Casanova. 234 00:09:44,677 --> 00:09:45,929 What did you call me? 235 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:48,139 Tubby! 236 00:09:48,181 --> 00:09:50,683 Listen to that barrage balloon 237 00:09:50,725 --> 00:09:52,185 calling me tubby! 238 00:09:52,227 --> 00:09:53,645 He didn't mean that, Mrs. Schultz. 239 00:09:53,686 --> 00:09:55,313 He really didn't. He's wild about you. 240 00:09:55,355 --> 00:09:57,649 You're all he's been talking about the whole week. 241 00:09:57,690 --> 00:09:59,275 During bayonet practice. 242 00:10:00,902 --> 00:10:02,278 I wouldn't have you now 243 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,948 if you came crawling to me on your hands and knees. 244 00:10:06,616 --> 00:10:08,535 My leave paper. 245 00:10:10,745 --> 00:10:12,789 That's what I think 246 00:10:12,831 --> 00:10:14,874 of going back with you. 247 00:10:14,874 --> 00:10:16,709 Ha! 248 00:10:19,963 --> 00:10:21,714 That'll teach her a lesson. 249 00:10:24,259 --> 00:10:26,010 Shultz, how could you do it? 250 00:10:26,052 --> 00:10:27,846 She asked for it. Who needs her? 251 00:10:27,887 --> 00:10:28,972 She needs you. 252 00:10:29,013 --> 00:10:30,723 Didn't you see the pained expression in her eyes? 253 00:10:30,765 --> 00:10:31,432 The longing? 254 00:10:31,474 --> 00:10:33,059 That woman is crazy about you. 255 00:10:33,059 --> 00:10:34,394 Gretchen? 256 00:10:34,394 --> 00:10:38,189 Didn't you hear what she called me? Tubby. 257 00:10:38,231 --> 00:10:41,317 I won't take that from any man, not even my wife. 258 00:10:41,359 --> 00:10:43,528 Schultz, did Romeo argue with Juliet? 259 00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:45,405 Tristan with Isolt? Hitler with Ava? 260 00:10:45,405 --> 00:10:46,865 Please, Colonel Hogan. 261 00:10:46,906 --> 00:10:47,949 Everyone quarrels. 262 00:10:47,991 --> 00:10:49,909 It makes the making up that must sweeter. 263 00:10:49,909 --> 00:10:53,079 Now, come on, Romeo, go to your Gretchen. 264 00:10:53,079 --> 00:10:54,372 Come on, go. 265 00:11:03,548 --> 00:11:06,551 Colonel Hogan, how about my pass? I tore it up. 266 00:11:06,593 --> 00:11:09,929 They won't let me leave the camp without furlough papers. 267 00:11:09,971 --> 00:11:11,764 All right. We'll go to Klink, explain it to him, 268 00:11:11,764 --> 00:11:13,224 and have him make up a new set. 269 00:11:13,266 --> 00:11:14,976 You think it could be that easy? 270 00:11:15,018 --> 00:11:16,769 Klink's an understanding man. 271 00:11:16,769 --> 00:11:19,606 You tore them up with my signature?! 272 00:11:19,606 --> 00:11:21,441 I was very angry. 273 00:11:21,482 --> 00:11:22,150 Silence! 274 00:11:24,444 --> 00:11:28,406 So, uh, Sergeant Schultz was angry, huh? 275 00:11:28,448 --> 00:11:31,075 Those furlough papers were signed by me, Colonel Klink, 276 00:11:31,117 --> 00:11:32,285 your commanding officer, 277 00:11:32,327 --> 00:11:34,495 and you deliberately chose to tear them up... 278 00:11:34,537 --> 00:11:36,789 He didn't know what he was doing, Commandant. 279 00:11:36,831 --> 00:11:38,708 He didn't know what he was doing, Herr Colonel. 280 00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:39,876 I know what I'm doing. 281 00:11:39,917 --> 00:11:42,211 You are a poor excuse for a soldier, Schultz, 282 00:11:42,253 --> 00:11:43,671 and I'm going to teach you. 283 00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:46,132 Now, first, there will be no leave papers. 284 00:11:46,132 --> 00:11:47,842 They are officially canceled. 285 00:11:47,884 --> 00:11:49,177 You can't cancel his... 286 00:11:49,218 --> 00:11:50,303 In addition, 287 00:11:50,303 --> 00:11:52,889 You will have 30 days company punishment. 288 00:11:52,930 --> 00:11:54,390 30 days?! 289 00:11:54,432 --> 00:11:56,100 How about my pass? 290 00:11:56,142 --> 00:11:59,020 There will be no pass, Schultz. 291 00:11:59,062 --> 00:12:01,773 You are going to be a tired old man 292 00:12:01,814 --> 00:12:05,401 before you ever set foot outside this camp again. 293 00:12:13,326 --> 00:12:14,660 I don't care how long it takes, 294 00:12:14,660 --> 00:12:16,412 I'll make a soldier out of you yet. 295 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,875 Well, we're dead. 296 00:12:20,917 --> 00:12:23,378 We'll never get those pots to Heidelberg now. 297 00:12:23,419 --> 00:12:26,923 If only Schultz hadn't lost his furlough. 298 00:12:26,964 --> 00:12:28,549 You know, Schultz is in great shape. 299 00:12:28,591 --> 00:12:32,762 Five days with that field pack and he's still holding out. 300 00:12:32,804 --> 00:12:34,180 Too bad. If he broke down, 301 00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:35,264 he'd be in line for a sick leave. 302 00:12:37,141 --> 00:12:39,352 Gentlemen, I just said something beautiful. 303 00:12:39,352 --> 00:12:41,104 Oh, that wouldn't work, Colonel. 304 00:12:41,145 --> 00:12:43,106 If Schultz complained of being ill, 305 00:12:43,147 --> 00:12:44,982 Klink would just send him to the doctor. 306 00:12:45,024 --> 00:12:47,151 Schultz can pass any physical in the world. 307 00:12:49,362 --> 00:12:51,906 Suppose we got somebody to take his place. 308 00:12:51,948 --> 00:12:53,658 Like who? 309 00:12:53,699 --> 00:12:57,870 Gentlemen, meet the new Sergeant Schultz. 310 00:12:57,912 --> 00:12:59,122 Colonel, you're a genius. 311 00:12:59,163 --> 00:13:00,540 I'll buy that. 312 00:13:00,540 --> 00:13:02,542 No, Schultzy will never go along with it. 313 00:13:02,542 --> 00:13:03,751 What's Schultz got to do with it? 314 00:13:03,793 --> 00:13:05,878 Well, everything. If he doesn't say he's sick 315 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,381 why would old Klink issue a physical? 316 00:13:08,422 --> 00:13:10,716 Because I'm going to go in and drop a gentle hint. 317 00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:13,010 Get a uniform for the new sergeant, huh? 318 00:13:15,847 --> 00:13:18,224 Come in. 319 00:13:18,266 --> 00:13:19,267 What is it, Hogan? 320 00:13:19,308 --> 00:13:23,062 I salute you, Colonel. You're all soldier. 321 00:13:23,104 --> 00:13:25,064 My idea of a real leader. 322 00:13:25,064 --> 00:13:26,941 A man needs disciplining, you do it. 323 00:13:26,983 --> 00:13:28,526 You talking about Sergeant Schultz? 324 00:13:28,568 --> 00:13:30,194 Well, the exercise will do him good. 325 00:13:30,236 --> 00:13:32,905 I wish I were more like you. Such strength. 326 00:13:32,905 --> 00:13:34,824 You don't care if he might overexert himself. 327 00:13:34,866 --> 00:13:35,908 No. 328 00:13:35,950 --> 00:13:38,411 That he might be out there gasping for breath. No. 329 00:13:38,494 --> 00:13:40,746 Or about his complaining to the Inspector General. 330 00:13:40,788 --> 00:13:43,958 The Inspector General? 331 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,252 You know how Schultz is. He's a crybaby. 332 00:13:46,252 --> 00:13:48,337 He thinks he's unfit for this excessive punishment. 333 00:13:48,379 --> 00:13:50,756 But that doesn't bother you. What do you care? 334 00:13:50,756 --> 00:13:53,259 Worst that can happen to you is get what you always wanted: 335 00:13:53,259 --> 00:13:54,260 transfer to a fighting post. 336 00:13:54,302 --> 00:13:56,554 Fighting? 337 00:13:56,596 --> 00:13:57,805 I mean, if you really cared, 338 00:13:57,847 --> 00:13:59,932 all you'd have to do is order a physical checkup, 339 00:13:59,932 --> 00:14:02,226 prove he's fit, and then really lay it on him. 340 00:14:02,268 --> 00:14:04,729 That's right. 341 00:14:04,770 --> 00:14:06,355 That's if you cared. 342 00:14:06,397 --> 00:14:07,607 But I know you prefer action. 343 00:14:07,607 --> 00:14:09,275 You want to get at those Russkies. 344 00:14:09,317 --> 00:14:10,359 The Russians? 345 00:14:10,401 --> 00:14:14,155 This is Colonel Klink of Stalag 13. 346 00:14:14,196 --> 00:14:17,450 I want you to arrange for a complete physical checkup 347 00:14:17,491 --> 00:14:19,452 of one of my men, immediately. 348 00:14:22,913 --> 00:14:24,248 All right, you all set? 349 00:14:24,290 --> 00:14:25,458 Right. Dressed and ready to go. 350 00:14:25,499 --> 00:14:26,459 All right, Schnitzer, 351 00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:27,960 you know what you're supposed to do. 352 00:14:28,002 --> 00:14:29,754 Take him to the 13th Army Hospital. 353 00:14:29,795 --> 00:14:31,255 He's supposed to be Sergeant Schultz. 354 00:14:31,297 --> 00:14:32,798 He's there for a physical checkup. 355 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:34,133 Get going and good luck. 356 00:14:34,175 --> 00:14:35,134 Jump up. 357 00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:37,762 Hey, Schultz, where are you going? 358 00:14:37,803 --> 00:14:38,763 Where are you going? 359 00:14:38,804 --> 00:14:39,764 To the hospital. 360 00:14:39,805 --> 00:14:40,681 Didn't you hear? It's closed. 361 00:14:40,723 --> 00:14:41,807 Closed? 362 00:14:41,807 --> 00:14:42,808 Yeah, it's National Health Week. 363 00:14:42,808 --> 00:14:43,809 Everybody should be healthy. 364 00:14:43,809 --> 00:14:44,935 Ah, that's crazy. 365 00:14:44,977 --> 00:14:46,604 Yeah, I agree, Schultz, but it's Hitler's orders. 366 00:14:46,646 --> 00:14:47,980 Hitler! 367 00:14:48,022 --> 00:14:51,317 Shh. I know nothing. I hear nothing. 368 00:14:51,359 --> 00:14:53,444 You know, Schultz, you're looking kind of tired. 369 00:14:53,486 --> 00:14:54,737 I don't like that. 370 00:14:54,779 --> 00:14:58,282 Hey, as long as Klink thinks you're at the hospital, 371 00:14:58,324 --> 00:14:59,325 why don't you sneak into the barracks 372 00:14:59,408 --> 00:15:00,993 and grab a snooze for a couple of hours? 373 00:15:00,993 --> 00:15:02,161 Yeah, why don't you do that, Schultz? 374 00:15:02,161 --> 00:15:03,621 It'll do you a lot of good. Come on. 375 00:15:03,662 --> 00:15:05,164 Yeah, a little rest, Schultzy. Come on. 376 00:15:05,164 --> 00:15:06,415 I sure could use it. 377 00:15:06,457 --> 00:15:08,459 Yeah, what Klink doesn't know won't hurt him. 378 00:15:08,501 --> 00:15:10,169 We'll wake you up in plenty of time. 379 00:15:10,169 --> 00:15:10,961 Come on, Schultz. Come on. 380 00:15:13,339 --> 00:15:14,882 Come in. 381 00:15:16,592 --> 00:15:18,010 Colonel Klink? 382 00:15:18,010 --> 00:15:19,261 Yes? 383 00:15:19,303 --> 00:15:23,557 I'm Dr. Pohlmann, Chief Surgeon of the 13th Army Hospital. 384 00:15:23,599 --> 00:15:26,018 You sent us this morning a Sergeant Schultz 385 00:15:26,018 --> 00:15:27,520 for a physical examination. 386 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:28,813 Yes, I did. 387 00:15:28,854 --> 00:15:31,023 But, Doctor, there's no reason for you to come here, and... 388 00:15:31,023 --> 00:15:33,526 I wanted to meet you, Colonel. 389 00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:36,028 Oh, you did? Oh, that's very kind 390 00:15:36,070 --> 00:15:37,363 of you. 391 00:15:37,363 --> 00:15:40,908 Please... please, Doctor, sit down, sit down. 392 00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:42,410 I suppose you've heard... 393 00:15:42,451 --> 00:15:45,079 I wanted to discuss this with you personally. 394 00:15:45,121 --> 00:15:46,831 It is such a tragic case. 395 00:15:46,872 --> 00:15:48,999 Tragic? 396 00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:51,252 Frankly, Colonel, in all my years of practice 397 00:15:51,293 --> 00:15:54,046 this is the most unusual case I have ever run into. 398 00:15:54,088 --> 00:15:56,090 It is extremely rare. 399 00:15:56,132 --> 00:15:58,926 But Sergeant Schultz has become prematurely old. 400 00:15:58,968 --> 00:16:01,637 I don't understand this... Some mistake. 401 00:16:01,679 --> 00:16:03,556 Sergeant Schultz is only in his 40s. 402 00:16:03,597 --> 00:16:06,934 I know that, but according to these medical reports 403 00:16:06,976 --> 00:16:08,561 from each member of my staff, 404 00:16:08,602 --> 00:16:10,813 something dreadful has happened to him. 405 00:16:10,855 --> 00:16:13,440 His body shows all the deterioration, 406 00:16:13,482 --> 00:16:15,693 all the wear and tear you would expect to find 407 00:16:15,734 --> 00:16:16,819 in an 80-year-old man. 408 00:16:16,861 --> 00:16:19,405 I can't believe it. 409 00:16:19,405 --> 00:16:20,656 Evidence. 410 00:16:20,698 --> 00:16:23,492 There can be absolutely no question. 411 00:16:23,534 --> 00:16:26,078 As I said before, premature aging is rare, 412 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:27,663 but it does happen. 413 00:16:27,705 --> 00:16:29,790 Doubtless, this was brought on by tension, 414 00:16:29,832 --> 00:16:31,917 harassment, insufficient rest, 415 00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:33,752 long hours, overwork... 416 00:16:33,794 --> 00:16:36,422 Well, all I did, was have him double-time 417 00:16:36,422 --> 00:16:37,840 with a full field pack. 418 00:16:37,882 --> 00:16:41,051 You ordered him to double-time with a full field pack 419 00:16:41,093 --> 00:16:42,303 in his condition? 420 00:16:42,344 --> 00:16:44,430 He never complained. 421 00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:47,182 It must have been excruciating agony for him. 422 00:16:47,224 --> 00:16:49,101 I've got to make it up to him. 423 00:16:49,143 --> 00:16:52,980 I'll give him a pass, let him take some time off. 424 00:16:53,022 --> 00:16:55,733 Perhaps he should be in the sun. 425 00:16:55,774 --> 00:16:58,110 He should be in a bottle. 426 00:16:58,152 --> 00:17:04,033 Are you suggesting that Sergeant Schultz's condition is critical? 427 00:17:04,074 --> 00:17:05,451 My dear Colonel, 428 00:17:05,451 --> 00:17:09,455 it stands to reason that if a body ages to 80 years 429 00:17:09,538 --> 00:17:11,874 while a man is still only in his 40s, 430 00:17:11,916 --> 00:17:14,960 that is going downhill at double the normal rate. 431 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,295 Why, there's no telling when he... 432 00:17:17,713 --> 00:17:21,300 Let us just say that the best thing is for him 433 00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:24,803 to have a long, long furlough. 434 00:17:24,803 --> 00:17:29,016 Let him to start enjoying whatever time he might have left. 435 00:17:29,058 --> 00:17:32,311 Dr. Pohlmann, isn't there something that we...? 436 00:17:32,311 --> 00:17:33,771 Colonel... 437 00:17:33,812 --> 00:17:36,815 we cannot make a man young again. 438 00:17:47,076 --> 00:17:48,494 What have I done? 439 00:17:50,162 --> 00:17:53,123 Poor Sergeant Schultz. 440 00:17:53,165 --> 00:17:56,126 Poor, helpless, 80-year-old Sergeant Schultz. 441 00:17:56,168 --> 00:17:57,795 I've got to make it up to him 442 00:17:57,836 --> 00:17:59,004 with the little time that he has left. 443 00:18:04,885 --> 00:18:07,346 Wilhelm Klink, do you know what you are? 444 00:18:07,388 --> 00:18:08,681 Do you? 445 00:18:08,722 --> 00:18:11,767 You're a killer. That's what you are. A killer. 446 00:18:11,809 --> 00:18:15,187 That little snooze this morning did wonders for me. 447 00:18:15,229 --> 00:18:17,481 I got good news for you. Your furlough came through. 448 00:18:17,523 --> 00:18:18,691 Furlough? Uh-huh. 449 00:18:18,732 --> 00:18:20,984 But Kommandant Klink said he'll never sign the paper. 450 00:18:21,026 --> 00:18:22,069 It's okay. Get packed. 451 00:18:22,111 --> 00:18:23,779 You'll be leaving tonight, tomorrow at the latest. 452 00:18:23,821 --> 00:18:27,533 Oh, Colonel Hogan, this is wonderful news. 453 00:18:27,533 --> 00:18:29,743 I can make up with Gretchen again. 454 00:18:29,785 --> 00:18:32,663 Oh, to see my whole family waiting for me. 455 00:18:32,704 --> 00:18:35,624 Oh, I can hardly wait. 456 00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:37,292 Uh, by the way... 457 00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:41,422 How about that, uh, flower pot? 458 00:18:41,463 --> 00:18:44,049 The what? Oh, that, that. 459 00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:45,592 Well, if it isn't too much trouble. 460 00:18:45,634 --> 00:18:46,718 I insist. 461 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,554 Yeah, well, in that case... 462 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,014 Tiger. 463 00:18:51,056 --> 00:18:52,433 Hogan, you've got to help me. 464 00:18:52,474 --> 00:18:54,685 The doctor was here. Schultz is ill, very ill. 465 00:18:54,726 --> 00:18:57,938 It's just a matter of time before... 466 00:18:57,980 --> 00:19:00,107 This is all of my fault, all my fault. 467 00:19:00,149 --> 00:19:01,442 Oh, you're not to blame, Commandant. 468 00:19:01,483 --> 00:19:02,484 How were you to know? 469 00:19:02,526 --> 00:19:05,070 He tried to tell me. I wouldn't listen. 470 00:19:09,158 --> 00:19:10,576 Hogan, why did I do it? 471 00:19:10,576 --> 00:19:12,911 There is something sadistic in me. 472 00:19:12,911 --> 00:19:14,580 Something twisted inside. 473 00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:16,748 No, your insides are fine. When Schultz go home? 474 00:19:16,748 --> 00:19:18,750 Home? Ah, of course, a furlough. 475 00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:20,127 You see, Hogan, the doctor told me, 476 00:19:20,169 --> 00:19:21,587 I put it out of my mind. 477 00:19:21,587 --> 00:19:25,465 There is something rotten... in here. 478 00:19:25,507 --> 00:19:26,592 I'm no good. 479 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,010 I must fill out those furlough pa... 480 00:19:28,051 --> 00:19:29,970 Wait, wait. 481 00:19:30,012 --> 00:19:32,389 Brunhilda, send Sergeant Schultz in here. 482 00:19:32,431 --> 00:19:35,017 I want to see him immediately. 483 00:19:35,058 --> 00:19:37,519 You're sending for Schultz? You can't do that. 484 00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:39,104 How could you face him? 485 00:19:39,104 --> 00:19:41,190 Frankly, I'd rather not. 486 00:19:41,231 --> 00:19:43,108 You see, Schultz does not know about his illness 487 00:19:43,108 --> 00:19:45,861 or how serious it is, and it is my duty to tell him. 488 00:19:45,903 --> 00:19:49,114 Oh, Hogan, you must help me; he likes you better than me. 489 00:19:49,114 --> 00:19:50,949 Mm, am I glad you're here. 490 00:19:50,949 --> 00:19:52,868 So am I. 491 00:19:52,910 --> 00:19:53,994 Poor Schultz. 492 00:19:54,036 --> 00:19:57,623 I only hope he still has enough strength to get here. 493 00:20:01,376 --> 00:20:04,671 How do I apologize to him for this terrible thing? 494 00:20:04,713 --> 00:20:06,089 Schultz! 495 00:20:06,131 --> 00:20:09,343 Herr Kommandant, you sent for me? 496 00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:11,345 I did. I did. Oh, Schultz... 497 00:20:11,386 --> 00:20:15,349 please, sit down. Sit down. 498 00:20:15,390 --> 00:20:16,516 Sit down, Schultz. 499 00:20:20,771 --> 00:20:22,814 There. 500 00:20:22,814 --> 00:20:27,152 Now, Schultz, sometimes a man does things that, well, 501 00:20:27,152 --> 00:20:28,403 he means to... 502 00:20:28,445 --> 00:20:30,530 What the Commandant is trying to say is he's sorry. 503 00:20:30,572 --> 00:20:32,491 He's terribly sorry for the treatment he's given you. 504 00:20:32,491 --> 00:20:33,492 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 505 00:20:33,492 --> 00:20:35,285 Oh, please, Herr Kommandant, 506 00:20:35,327 --> 00:20:37,329 don't feel bad about it. 507 00:20:37,371 --> 00:20:38,705 I really don't mind. 508 00:20:38,747 --> 00:20:42,000 Marching keeps my mind off things. 509 00:20:42,042 --> 00:20:43,418 Besides, I won't be here very long. 510 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,339 You see, I'm going to leave here very soon. 511 00:20:47,339 --> 00:20:48,340 Then you know? 512 00:20:48,340 --> 00:20:49,549 I just found out. 513 00:20:49,591 --> 00:20:51,218 And he's smiling. 514 00:20:54,888 --> 00:21:00,352 Schultz, I only hope that someday, when it's my turn, 515 00:21:00,352 --> 00:21:02,479 I will be strong enough to make this journey 516 00:21:02,521 --> 00:21:06,274 with the same look on my face that is on yours now. 517 00:21:06,316 --> 00:21:09,695 Journey? Oh, you know about my trip down there. 518 00:21:09,695 --> 00:21:11,196 It doesn't have to be down there. 519 00:21:11,238 --> 00:21:12,823 It could be up there. 520 00:21:12,864 --> 00:21:17,285 Up to Heidelberg? Okay. Up there. 521 00:21:17,327 --> 00:21:19,037 Yes, Schultz, I know your journey. 522 00:21:19,079 --> 00:21:22,624 The journey that I've hastened by so many, many years. 523 00:21:22,666 --> 00:21:24,376 I'm looking forward to it. 524 00:21:24,376 --> 00:21:27,504 Forward? You sound as if you were glad to go. 525 00:21:27,546 --> 00:21:31,007 Of course, Herr Kommandant. It will be a nice change. 526 00:21:31,049 --> 00:21:33,593 Things were not too pleasant here lately. 527 00:21:33,635 --> 00:21:35,011 I know, I know, I know. 528 00:21:35,053 --> 00:21:36,096 I shall miss you, Schultz. 529 00:21:36,138 --> 00:21:37,723 Oh, I'll miss you, too, Herr Kommandant. 530 00:21:37,723 --> 00:21:39,141 I wish you would come with me. 531 00:21:39,182 --> 00:21:41,017 He didn't mean that, Commandant. 532 00:21:41,059 --> 00:21:42,519 Oh, that's all right, I deserve that. 533 00:21:42,561 --> 00:21:44,855 He has every right to be bitter. 534 00:21:46,148 --> 00:21:51,236 Schultz, you're so young to be so old. 535 00:21:51,278 --> 00:21:55,365 But perhaps it's best you should know. 536 00:21:55,407 --> 00:21:57,033 Were they able to tell you when? 537 00:21:57,075 --> 00:21:58,034 Tonight. 538 00:21:58,076 --> 00:21:59,870 Tonight? 539 00:21:59,911 --> 00:22:00,871 Tomorrow at the latest. 540 00:22:00,912 --> 00:22:02,747 So brave. 541 00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:06,084 I had hoped you wouldn't leave us so soon. 542 00:22:06,126 --> 00:22:07,586 All right, I won't go. I'll stay. 543 00:22:07,586 --> 00:22:09,838 You mean, if I ask you to stay, you won't go? 544 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,214 Of course, Herr Kommandant, I won't. 545 00:22:11,256 --> 00:22:12,757 And they say dogs are loyal. 546 00:22:14,342 --> 00:22:16,678 Schultz, here's your furlough paper. 547 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:17,929 You leave immediately. 548 00:22:17,971 --> 00:22:20,682 Thank you, Herr Kommandant. 549 00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:24,269 Oh, Herr Kommandant, 550 00:22:24,269 --> 00:22:27,898 I'll remember this the rest of my life. 551 00:22:27,939 --> 00:22:30,066 For the rest of his... 552 00:22:31,776 --> 00:22:36,448 I can't believe that he won't be coming back. 553 00:22:36,490 --> 00:22:37,949 Neither can I. 554 00:22:43,538 --> 00:22:46,374 This would be the last day of Schultz's furlough. 555 00:22:46,416 --> 00:22:48,126 Not a word. 556 00:22:48,126 --> 00:22:51,463 Oh, I'd hoped, Hogan, I had hoped... 557 00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:54,716 I'd give anything to see that smiling face again. 558 00:22:54,758 --> 00:22:58,178 And, you know, I would never say or do another mean thing to him. 559 00:22:58,220 --> 00:22:59,846 Come in. 560 00:23:04,559 --> 00:23:05,644 Herr Kommandant, 561 00:23:05,644 --> 00:23:08,063 Sergeant Schultz reporting for duty. 562 00:23:08,104 --> 00:23:10,482 Schultz! 563 00:23:10,482 --> 00:23:14,319 You're back. You're back! 564 00:23:14,319 --> 00:23:17,197 But how? Train. 565 00:23:17,239 --> 00:23:20,033 You look wonderful. 566 00:23:20,075 --> 00:23:21,201 A miracle. 567 00:23:21,243 --> 00:23:22,327 Actually, I don't feel so good. 568 00:23:22,369 --> 00:23:23,411 You don't? 569 00:23:23,453 --> 00:23:25,163 I ate too much of my wife's cooking. 570 00:23:25,163 --> 00:23:28,375 Oh, we'll send you right down to the hospital. 571 00:23:28,416 --> 00:23:30,168 They'll look after you. 572 00:23:30,168 --> 00:23:32,504 Good. I might as well take the physical examination 573 00:23:32,545 --> 00:23:36,007 you wanted me to have. Come on, Schultz, let's leave. Hut! 574 00:23:36,007 --> 00:23:39,469 Just a moment! 575 00:23:43,056 --> 00:23:44,224 Did you say 576 00:23:44,265 --> 00:23:48,353 you did not take a physical examination when I sent you? 577 00:23:48,353 --> 00:23:50,105 The hospital was closed. 578 00:23:50,146 --> 00:23:52,440 A National Health week; Hitler's orders. 579 00:23:52,482 --> 00:23:55,652 Then you did not see any doctors? 580 00:23:55,694 --> 00:23:56,778 No, Herr Kommandant. 581 00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:58,321 But I can do it right now. 582 00:23:58,363 --> 00:23:59,906 No, Schultz, you won't. 583 00:23:59,948 --> 00:24:01,908 You're healthy. 584 00:24:01,950 --> 00:24:05,495 You're going to live to be 100 years old 585 00:24:05,537 --> 00:24:08,373 and you're not going to enjoy one moment of it, 586 00:24:08,373 --> 00:24:09,666 not one moment. 587 00:24:09,708 --> 00:24:13,128 I want you to report back to me in five minutes 588 00:24:13,169 --> 00:24:16,214 with a rifle and a full field pack. 589 00:24:16,214 --> 00:24:18,800 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 590 00:24:26,391 --> 00:24:29,436 How dare he deceive me like that. 591 00:24:29,477 --> 00:24:35,275 Imagine, he thought he would put something over on me. 592 00:24:35,316 --> 00:24:37,318 Ah, when will they learn? 593 00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,195 When will they learn?